The Evolution of Friendships: A Natural Progression
Today, we're diving into a question from a Ren Digest reader.
Reader: I’m in my early 30s. I’m not enjoying my friends like I used to. Is there something I need to do about it?
Friendship Evolution: A Normal Part of Life
One key aspect to grasp is that friendships naturally ebb and flow. It's completely normal to find yourself transitioning through different friend groups as you navigate the various seasons of life. But, we aren’t typically taught that this is a natural progression in life, and that is what leads to breakdown and/or feelings like something is going wrong.
Permission to Evolve
You have permission to grow, change, evolve. Not only permission, but it is vital to feeling purpose and fulfillment.
This includes your relationships. You have permission to evolve out of certain friendships, and into new ones.
The Shadow Side of “Loyalty”
The concept of loyalty is used super loosely. We are taught that it is a “good” thing to be loyal … but sometimes that can keep us in a trap of stuckness.
Recently, I had a conversation with someone in their low 40s who said “I wish I would have known earlier that I didn’t need to be so ‘loyal’ to my childhood and high school friends. I’m realizing now how much chaos some of these friendships brought to my life because people weren’t growing up at the same pace I was.”
This grounds the point exactly. If and when we are overly “loyal” to friends who no longer share common interests, it can cause a lot of chaos and breakdown in our lives. It can keep us from our evolution and growth. We have to give ourselves the freedom to allow friendships to evolve naturally and we evolve.
Seasons of Life and Shifting Interests
Why do friendship dynamics change? It is often because we enter into different seasons of life or shifts in interests, hobbies, or core values.
By the time we make it to our early 30s, we often have a deeper awareness of ourselves—our passions, values, and what truly brings us joy. This self-discovery can lead to a natural evolution of friendships as we align ourselves with those who share our current interests and outlook on life.
Acknowledging Grief and Embracing Growth
As friendships evolve, it's normal to experience grief for what is changing or fading away. It is vital to acknowledge this loss for emotional well-being. However, it is equally as important to acknowledge and recognize the new that is coming into your life.
As certain doors close, other doors open, offering new possibilities and connections aligned with your current self.
New Beginnings
I don’t want to forget about the part of the question that asks is there something I need to do about it?
The main thing …. embrace the possibility of new friendships. Making friends as an adult can seem daunting. So how can we navigate that? The best rule of thumb I have is to join groups or memberships centered around your current interests. Join a local yoga studio, baby and me fitness group, indoor plant group, knitting meetup, entrepreneurship or SBA group. And go to the events, sessions, meetups, potlucks.
Deep connections and friendships can start at any stage of life. Be open to the possibility that it is possible to find friends that resonate deeply with your present self.
Conclusion: Embracing the Unfoldment
The evolution of friendships in your early 30s - or any age - is a natural and healthy part of life. Give yourself permission to evolve. Acknowledging that nothing is wrong. Embrace the unfoldment, recognizing that with change comes growth, new beginnings, and the potential for deeper, more meaningful connections.
–Sophie
Have questions about your process of awakening and transformation? Submit them here and we’ll answer them in our Ren Digest weekly column.
